Habiblog

Mr Habib,

Thank you for emailing the facilities department. While you are not an employee, we still strive to meet your facilities needs and answer your questions. To that end, please find below my response to your several emails over the past few days.

In response to your question, I’m afraid I don’t know if we have a more uncomfortable chair than the one provided. I assume this was meant ironically, however, and I assure you that the company took great pains to choose the most ergonomic and cost-efficient chairs on the market. We did not, as you suggest, go on an extended dumpster-diving spree behind a shop class for aspiring-but-talentless postmodern sculptors.  If you chair continues to give you problems I recommend that you submit a request through the manager that holds your contract. Please do not cc: me.

Along the same lines, I’m happy to inform you that I did some research and the cubicles in your building were not designed by a long-surviving underground sect of the Spanish Inquisition. Actually  I’m not sure that even makes sense. If your cubicle arrangement is impacting your work (which would presumably be what you do in the meager minutes between emails to me), please discuss it with the holder of your contract. Please do not cc: me.

Furthermore, while I am not an expert, I don’t believe that  the odor from the community kitchen in your building is actually the “toxic exhalations of a thousand indescribable hellspawn vomited up from the abyss,” and will therefore not be requisitioning a mass exorcism as you requested. If your officemates’ food odor is repellent, I recommend avoiding that area of the building at lunchtimes, or discussing the situation with the holder of your contract. Please do not cc: me.

Finally, I think it is unlikely that the facilities employee assigned to your building is a part of a conspiracy against you. While it is inconvenient that she must close the restroom when she cleans and restocks it, and while it is certainly awkward for her to have to knock and yell to ascertain whether the men’s room is occupied before she enters, it is unlikely that she is planning her workday around your restroom habits. Also as we are a publicly-traded company and given the economic climate, a full-time bathroom attendant is not a likely addition to the staff.

If you have any follow-up questions or further requests, I must refer you to the holder of your contract.

Please do not cc: me.

Sincerely,

When I was younger, there were things they told me I would understand when I got older. Some of those things, like how to pay taxes or why Public Broadcasting was allowed to continue existing, did become clear as time went on. Some other things didn’t become clear, but the hidden complexity of the question did. Like why sometimes mommies and daddies stop loving each other, or why a man would consciously and of his own free will wear Capri pants.

The things I struggle with, though, are the things that nobody told me I’d have to worry about. Like the fact that I’m every day at risk of casually doing something that will stick in my children’s memory forever.  That the house I live in will be the house they grew up in, that they will think of as “home” long after they move away.  That a questionable decision I made last year means that it’s unlikely my kids will have the vacation trip they want this summer, and how that makes me feel.

That my successes and failures are no longer just my own, and that these same questions must have pulled at my father’s heart, and his father’s. That there’s no answer, only ambiguous roadsigns pointing further on – and all the while eyes, eyes that look like mine, are gently photographing and filing away every moment of our time together.

When they told me I’d understand when I got older, I assumed it was because I’d have a bigger brain and more experience. But what I have is that same child’s brain, just with a taller perspective.

I wonder how tall I’d have to be to really understand.

Here’s a list of the podcasts I listen to while I commute. Since you asked.

• You Look Nice Today. Irregular. Painfully funny.
• Uhh Yeah Dude.  Weekly. Extremely funny.
• Arrive Having Eaten. Irregular. Entertaining.
• NPR: Car Talk.  Weekly. You already know about this.
• NPR: Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. Weekly.  Extremely Funny.
• HowStuffWorks: Stuff you should know. Weekly. Great.
• HowStuffWorks: Stuff you missed in history class. Weekly. Also great.
• The Moth Podcast. Irregular.  Fantastic.
• Roz Rows the Pacific. Regular. Fun.

Would be happy to hear recommendations. At this point if I wasn’t catching up on Roz Rows I’d be exhausting my list by end of week.

Periodically I find it cathartic to jot down my manifesto working philosophy. It helps me focus and re-asses as I gain more experience, and I enjoy hearing the groans of people who’ve heard it dozens of times and/or know I’m full of shit. (Out of respect for those people, I’ve tried to make this very concise.)

See what is there

The best perspectives are usually not from within the fray. In order to identify ignorance, prejudice, stubbornness, insight and genius for what they are, you have to be both inside and outside the system. Gaining that perspective is difficult and maintaining it over time is even harder.

See what is not there

In my experience most problems don’t arise from what’s present, they arise from what’s missing. After seeing what’s there, I look for what completes the pattern, establishes the balance, pulls the whole together.  Sometimes you just don’t have the right Legos to build the house.

Deliver at least what you’ve sold

Consultant or employee, I’m selling something. The product or service I’m selling (whether it’s an email, a presentation, or an opinion) gets one round of quality checking, acceptance testing and sniff-testing before it’s released – by me. Any time I’ve embarrassed myself or fallen on my face in the past, it’s because I flubbed this one.

Attend to karma

I don’t care if “it’s business,” I’m not a robot.  Conscience can’t, and shouldn’t, be left behind – pretending otherwise is detrimental. When something must be done, it should be done with dignity, grace, respect and conviction. It’s a high bar, and it should be.

Avoid Complexity

I’ve flogged this horse before. Simplicity isn’t the mark of ignorance, or laziness, or lack of insight. It’s what works. Complexity in systems or theory or strategy telegraphs to me that something is amiss. By nature I tend to oversimplify, then try to build back up to appropriate.

Invest wisely

My most frequent soapbox. Every action taken is an investment with a return. If you don’t know the return, it’s called a “gamble.” Gambling has its place, I just try  to make sure I know when I’m doing it, and why.

(Thanks to Carey for his help with this)